Mobility Scooter Song

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Just a quick one. So, I’m doing some website design and promotion work for a local business that provides mobility scooter hire, repairs and sales services and it brings to mind a song by North West comedy folk group, The Lancashire Hotpots.

As the promotion work for the business is relatively serious, a comedy song featuring mobility scooters is probably not appropriate for use.

Well, as I haven’t posted on here for a while, I thought I’d stick it here instead.

Shopmobility Scooter by The Lancashire Hotpots

If you’ve never heard of them, you should really look them up. Enjoy!

This is one of their slower numbers though, so don’t judge them by it. Check out the fantastic “Chippy Tea”, “Bitter Lager Cider Ale Stout” and “He’s Turned Emo” as well.

And if you ever get the chance to see them live, get the’sen along sunshine!


Alternative Uses For Scaffolding

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Scaffolding in various forms has been around ever since man first starting building large structures that created the need for it. From simple frames with wood tied at right angles through to the complicated precision engineered system scaffolding in use today.

But it isn’t only employed in the construction and repair of buildings.

Due to its versatility, scaffolding is used in hundreds of other applications from a self-employed plasterer trying to reach a 12ft celing through to stage rigging and seating platforms.

Spot The Scaffolding

The following are a couple of examples spotted on my travels around the UK this year.

How about being used as a frame to hold the set for the Great Hall at Hogwarts as witnessed at the Warner Bros Harry Potter Studio Tour.

Or as a platform on the moving rigging used to animate the giant uncle in a Sea Odyssey as witnessed on the streets of Liverpool earlier this year?

Very impressive, eh?

Temporary Structures

One of the more common alternative uses for scaffolding in the scaffolding industry is for temporary structures.

Examples of such include:

  • Temporary Roofing – A weather proof covering that helps to keep new works or an existing structure dry whilst work is completed, perhaps during an extension or following fire damage.
  • Virtual Buildings – A temporary roof and saffolding walls covered by sheeting that can be used to create a temporary waterproof indoor work or storage area.

More Scaffolding

For more insights into the fascinating world of scaffolding, take a look at my previous posts: Does that scaffolding meet EU regulations? / Holiday Scaffolding II

Why does Google not index my page titles properly?

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Aaaargh!! I hate you Google! For the love of all that is sacred, would you please stop arbitrarily deciding how page titles on my websites should be indexed?

Web Designers such as myself spend ages setting up pages with the correct keywords, title, h1 tags et al…

…and it is so frustrating to see you override them nonsensically, resulting in the page slipping into ranking obscurity on page 12 of any given search.

Yes, we’re fighting with everyone else to get our website recognised for the most potential searches, but when the pages are labelled well and match the unique content within, why has Google just taken to ignoring our efforts completely?

I think we’ll use the <h1> tag?!?

So, I’ve got page with a <title> tag as follows: Fiona Wills Accounting Services Ltd – Mobile Accountants Lancaster / Bookkeeping Lancaster / Payroll Services Lancaster

The content of the page has information relating to accountants, payroll, book-keeping and importantly the town Lancaster.

What does Google index? The <h1> tag!

Now obviously we’re not going to create a <h1> tag with the above mouthful in it and we don’t want to have to create separate pages for Accountants Lancaster, Payroll Services Lancaster and Book-keeping Lancaster.

The resulting website would be enormous and creating suitable unique text would be near impossible.

For that reason, we have chosen a shorter <h1> tag of “Accountants, Lancaster”, which nicely sums up all of the above.

But that would be useless in a search…

Indeed it would! Hence the reason it is so annoying that Google has selected that as the page title.

So come on Google, sort your act out and index our pages in the way we label them. And which you’re at it, do the same for the Accountants Garstang and Accountants Preston pages too!


Is is a few months since I created this post and Google is now not playing ball with another of my sites.

Google, for pity’s sake the <title> tag reads Apex Scaffolders – Scaffolding Hire Lancaster / Scaffolding Contractors Lancaster / Scaffolding Lancaster. Please index it as so!

It is ridiculous that I need to put a link in a blog to try to get you to look at the website properly.

The Farce Continues

The frustration is incredible. You create a page to match a search term and Google are arbitrarily opts to index it incorrectly and serve up something less appropriate in the search results.

I would like the following page to display as created please Read Mobility Workshop – Wheelchair Hire, Sales, Powered, Second Hand, New, Wheelchairs – Blackpool, Fleetwood, Thornton, Cleveleys, Poulton, Lytham, Kirkham, St Annes, Garstang NOT in the way you have opted for!

Why can’t they just use the <title> tag they’re given? How is it that Google thinks it knows what you want your page to be called? If the tag doesn’t reflect the content, then fair enough, don’t index it or reward it, but if it does, then why change it?

Blackpool Council, Project30 Signs (aka Why I hate Councils #43)

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So, I’m walking home from my usual mid-week pub night, a few pints of Sam Smith’s Old Brewery Bitter happier, and I come across something to break my mood.

A Project30 Sign

Well, not just one, but a total of three Project30 signs littering lamp-posts at the end of the driveways on my quiet little Blackpool street of about 50 houses.

What’s Project30 you might be wondering, and so indeed was I … for the signs themselves gave few clues as to their purpose, rather as can be seen below, only a website address for the viewer to visit:

A quick stumble back home, I boot up the PC, type in the website address and what do I find? An amazing ground breaking piece of news that justifies multiple expensive ambiguous and unecessary signs?

Perhaps the implementation of a 30 year plan to introduce futuristic hover cars to the town? Er… no!


Yes folks, Blackpool Council would like to announce that they’re doing remedial works to my pavement and road surfaces some time in the next 12 months.

And there’s not just three signs on my street, there are dozens, maybe even several hundred of these on other streets throughout Blackpool.

Ooh… That’s a pretty logo and sign…

Er, how much of our money did that cost? Oh, you’re mending the roads? What do you want? A bloody medal? Mending the roads is your job is it not?!?

It doesn’t require a fancy logo, marketing, a website and expensive signs fitted at a rate of three to a street with about 50 houses. All it requires is a single slip of hand delivered paper to tell us what is happening and when on our particular street.

And I’m not sure if you idiots are aware, but not everyone has easy access to the internet, so whose ridiculous idea was it to make the signs into a teaser for residents to have to go and look up further information?

What Debt Crisis?

It’s the cost that irks me most though. I’m not sure if the morons at Blackpool’s town hall are aware, but like most of the Western World, the UK is currently running a huge deficit with no money whatsoever to spare on pointless fripperies.

The cost of metal is at an all time high and council services are being cut back left, right and centre to save money, so how can spending on such unecessary marketing be justified?

I know the popular theory is to blame the banks and the elusive 1%, but as these signs demonstrate, local and central government are just as much to blame.


Perhaps the biggest question should be “why should a Council be marketing it’s services in the first place”. After all, Councils forcibly collect tax-payers’ money to provide essential services to said tax-payers.

It seems somewhat perverse therefore, that they should then spend some of that money marketing those services to their captive consumers who, in reality, have no choice whether or not they wish to pay for them.

To quote the late great Bill Hicks, “if you’re in marketing, kill yourself”:

Take note though, this isn’t just limited to Blackpool Council. It’s happening time and time again in Council’s up and down the country.

At the Council where I used to work, at the same time as staff were being laid off and services cut, the then Chief Executive decided to have a new Council logo designed and added to every vehicle, uniform, letterhead, bill, website, rubbish bin and building.

In Conclusion

The world is going to hell in a hand cart. Please stop the ride, I wish to get off…

Now that’s a big tree!!

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Not been on for a while, so this is just a quick one. Pause. Wonders how many blog (and real life diary) entries worldwide start with such a line. If I had a pound…

Just got back from a holiday to Vegas and California and thought I’d post a photo from my travels.

Sequoia National Park

The photo in question is of trees, but not just any trees, bloody big trees! Giant Sequoias in fact. Now, these aren’t the biggest in the world, but they’re quite close to ol’ General Sherman himself within Sequoia National Park.

Need a reference for size? The tiny dot waving from the bottom of the middle tree is my wife who is 5′ 10″ tall.

You’d always be able to find your way home drunk with one of those at the end of your driveway. Would certainly put arguments over leylandii into perspective.

And there we go, short but sweet…

Songs with the word ‘drive’ in the title…

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So we’ve tried writing serious and interesting blog articles (particularly proud of This time next year Rodders, I DON’T want to be a millionaire…), but the ones that seem to be most popular are the throwaway fun ones.

So, as Rock (mostly) songs with the word ‘fire’ in the title… enjoys a top 10 Google ranking, let’s have another go with ‘Drive’.

The Songs

Enjoy folks:

  • (You Drive Me) Crazy – Sugarcoma
  • Baby Can’t Drive – Slash
  • Baby Driver – Simon and Garfunkel
  • Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) – The Deftones
  • Cemetery Drive – My Chemical Romance
  • Concrete Driveways – Northern Cobblestone
  • Devil Gate Drive – Suzi Quatro
  • Don’t Drive My Car – Status Quo
  • Drive – R.E.M.
  • Drive – Incubus
  • Drive – The Cars
  • Drive All Night – Bruce Springsteen
  • Drive By – Body Count
  • Drive My Car – The Beatles
  • Drive-In – The Beach Boys
  • Drive In Show – Eddie Cochran
  • Five State Drive – Less Than Jake
  • I Can’t Drive 55 – Sammy Hagar
  • Interstellar Overdrive – Pink Floyd
  • Jerry Was A Racecar Driver – Primus
  • Midnight Drive – Mary J. Blige
  • Moonlight Drive – The Doors
  • Mr Cab Driver – Lenny Kravitz
  • Ocean Drive – The Lighthouse Family
  • Piledriver Waltz – Arctic Monkeys
  • She Drives Me Crazy – Fine Young Cannibals
  • She Drives Me Wild – Michael Jackson
  • Shut Up And Drive – Rihanna
  • Venus in Overdrive – Rick Springfield
  • You Drive Me Crazy – Shakin’ Stevens
  • You Drive Me Nervous – Alice Cooper

Did you spot the fake?

Or will you cut and paste it for your own list without checking? I’ll be Googling later to find out…

And the best?

A couple of good ones in there, but not as many rock songs as you might expect considering rock music is always used on ‘Driving Music‘ albums.

So let’s go for a glam rock classic from the very sexy (but slightly manic) Suzi Quatro:

In Conclusion

Serious posts to follow at a later date with no obligation to watch. Just click that Stumble button and off you go…

A tax on you know what?!?

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Its getting near the time of year when small businesses like myself turn their minds to financial matters and go in search of accounting and bookkeeping services to submit their annual tax returns.

So, following on from my Accountancy vs Lion Taming post, I’d thought I’d share another Monty Python sketch, this time devoted to matters of taxation.


Yes, and not just any form of taxation, but the ultimate in taxation.  Enjoy!

I included the longer version as it leads nicely into the sketch in a typical Terry Gilliam / Python-esque manner.

That couldn’t happen… …could it?

Well, to be fair it is unlikely, but daft taxes are not unheard of. For example, window tax which was tried several times in the British Isles and elsewhere, leading to the owners of a considerable number of larger buildings bricking over perfectly good windows to save money.

And the Catholic faith has managed to hold sway over the unmentioned act for many years!

Less tax policies = more tax revenue

For an interesting reflection on tax, take a look at the following short article: Why Income Tax and Other Daft Ideas?

Accountants I’ve spoken to have said very similar things, but of course, were the ideas in the article to be put into practice, they’d all be out of a job!

And then what would comedians write about?

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