Seven?!? Er, well yeah, maybe not quite that many. You try Googling for “Thermometer Jokes” and see how many you come up with!!

But why do I hear you say? Well, can you think of something more exciting to say about thermometers?

Thought not, so hear we go…

Rectal Thermometers

Ah yes, well, you see, the only thing that is really ever funny about thermometers is their insertion in the posterier. I did look for something on digital or infrared thermometers, but to no avail.

Be aware before continuining therefore, that this post will contain some profanity, albeit watered down with the use of asterisks and other punctuation.

  • What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
    The taste.
  • Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
    She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient’s best side.
  • What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
    “Some a$$ho!e has my pen!”
  • A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. Whilst there, he was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

    After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.”No, I’m sorry”, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t use an oral thermometer.”

    This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

    After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

    She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room.

    “What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

    Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?”

    After a pause, the doctor replies, “Yes, but never with a daffodil!”

Anything Else?

Well, my trawl on the internet did turn up this funny story about a basal thermometer (used when trying for a baby):

And this funny temperature related joke about Russians:

And that’s it for now…

If you’ve got any funny thermometer or temperature related jokes, why not stick ’em below?