We’ve all done it at some point in our life. Most of us will have done it more than once, but how we dealt with it and the consequences depended very much on the individual circumstances each time… …and perhaps our own squeamishness.

What is it of which I speak? Why, nothing other than dropping a wanted household or personal item down a recently used toilet bowl.

Yuck, do I hear you say?

Yuck indeed, but as I said we’ve all done it and after one of my customers told me of his recent experience I thought I’d relay it here, along with a couple of my own.

The customer in question is a plumber and so has had his fair share of such experiences, but this one made me chuckle a little…  …plus of course it made me glad I’m a web designer and the dirtiest thing I have to handle is congealed sneezes on the keyboard!

Ish washn’t me! Hic!

Where alcohol goes, trouble is never far behind and this is where the troubles began for our protagonist in this story. A drunken Blackpool resident returning home from a night on the town had the misfortune to drop his mobile phone into the u-bend whilst relieving his bladder of his night’s efforts.

Being a bloke (and under the influence), he did what most of us (drunken blokes that is!) would do. He wished it on its merry way, flushed the loo and collapsed downstairs on the couch, returning several more times during the night to top up the now blocked proverbial big white telephone.

Well and truly blocked

As the morning sun beamed through a chink in the curtains, the previous night’s events played out in his head and a visit to the toilet quickly confirmed what his befuddled brain wished it’d made up.

So after a half-hearted attempt to clear it, he was forced to thumb the Yellow Pages for an emergency plumber in Blackpool.

Made in China

Enter my customer. He tentatively attempted to plunge the blocked toilet, but soon realised the problem was in the soil pipe. After climbing up ladders and cutting into the pipe, he was amazed to hear the mobile’s ring-tone emanating from the depths.

Even though it had been flushed and drowned a number of times by our lead character, it was resting on the knuckle joint (albeit coated in the unmentionable) and still appeared to be functioning!

Not surprisingly though, the decision was made not to keep it!

Can I top that?

Well… Following a very satisfying “Numéro visite de deux”, I myself once dropped a watch and flushed it, thankfully without consequence.

Whilst on holiday in Australia a few years back though, I did something not once but twice and if you’re currently eating, turn away now!

I had a pair of sunglasses with curved sides, that whilst very trendy, were not ideal for tucking into the top of your t-shirt.

Whilst on a tour of the Great Ocean Road, near Melbourne I had cause to visit a dunny and as I stood up and turned around, they made a break for freedom and in they went. Plop!

Run away?!?

Now then, many of you might’ve thought sod it, leave them. And I nearly did, but as we’ve shown above and as anyone who’s ever visited a gentlemans public convenience knows, anything blocking the toilet rarely stops the next user from contributing further.

So thinking very much of the poor bugger who’d have to deal with the end result, I plunged my hands below the waterline and retrieved the shades.

Now then, I thought, “well, the worst is over and after all, if I’ve rescued them, I might as well keep them?” and promptly set about (very) thoroughly washing them and myself in the sink.

And yes folks, I did put them back on again.

However, several days later when the same thing happened again, I concluded that they were jinxed and in the bin they went.

In Conclusion

Beware the bowl? There’s no conclusion to draw really, this wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last, no matter what I type!

Perhaps for my next post though, we’ll change the subject. Enjoy your dinner…